You are such a good writer. I don’t think you fully realize how good you are yet. I don’t mean that to sound condescending… just that I feel like I’m watching a fucking genius finding her legs, trusting her voice, and already the world is like, “Who the fuck is this???” You’re 3 for 3 in your submissions, and I know this is only the beginning, and that’s so sexy.
I’m having a hard time writing new stories because all I want to write about is you, but I don’t know how yet. I’ve never written about being happy before. I have to discover a whole new language and new rhythms and new jokes because my sad characters aren’t sad anymore. They keep smiling, and I don’t know what to do with them.
At midnight tonight, we’ll have officially been dating for three months, which is funny because there is no fucking way we’ve only been dating for only three months. No seriously. How is that possible? We’ve been dating for three years or thirty or we broke time entirely and we’re drifting sideways in non-time, fucking in some vortex where the world appears to be moving but every day is the same and it’s the best day of my life.
We got Covid shots and felt achy so we ordered ramen for delivery and made margaritas and watched a TV show about Northern Ireland and fucked twice and you squirted the second time and I took an Advil and my headache is gone because you said, “Why don’t you take an Advil? No seriously, take an Advil.” I think today was the best day of my life.
We went to see Michael Hurley, but I could barely pay attention because you had the hiccups and then you got the giggles and I’ve never been so in love with you and then we went to your place and I said, “Bobbie has fleas,” and you laughed so hard you could barely breathe, and I couldn’t stop laughing because it wasn’t even funny. Bobbie doesn’t have fleas. You do. You’re covered in them, but I love you anyway.
We fell behind a week on our blood oaths. The response from our readers was overwhelming. “Where are you?” they wondered. “Come back! Tell us about your love and your oaths!” No wait. We haven’t told anyone about this yet. It’s just us, oathing into the void, writing these declarations for each other. I keep waiting for someone to find this website. To stumble on it and say, “Who are these beautiful, hot motherfuckers?”
I’ve never been so hot for you as I am when we are editing a story or essay together on the sentence level, breaking that shit down with a kind of specificity that very few people in the world can do, and then we also get to fuck. I definitely died at some point and this is the afterlife and I’m in heaven and it’s goddamn wonderful.
We became boyfriend and girlfriend on September 8. I just added “make a baby” to our shared Google calendar for your peak ovulation dates in December. This feels exactly right, on time, nailing this.
Last week, I had a pang of insecurity thinking about you doing sex work. I got into my head about it, and for the first time since we started dating, felt threatened by it. You could have been annoyed or frustrated, but instead you made room for my moment of insecurity. You let me talk my way out of it and reassured me, and suddenly I felt like hot shit again, like your bf and capital “D” Daddy and future husband. We fucked three times in a row and now you are sitting across from me reading me sexts by weird horny men who want to send you pictures of them sucking on a dildo, and all I can think is, “I can’t wait until you’re wife.”
I usually text you a screenshot of my blood oaths when I post them, but I’m going to keep this one a secret. I don’t know when you’ll find it. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe a week from now. Maybe in a year. I’m just going to hide this oath here like a message in the bottle. The message is this: I’m so fucking crazy about you, baby. So crazy. You’ve made my life feel like a shining, new thing. Every day I wake up happy and fall asleep happy, and it’s because I know that at some point I’m going to see you, text you, kiss you, fuck you, watch TV with you, and hold you all night. You’re so fucking hot and cool and smart. I did something right. Seriously. Like… wtf?