13

If you ever invite me to spend a holiday with your family, I promise to:
Take one to two naps per day, esp if people start watching sports.
Disappear without notice when people start reminiscing.
Help with the dishes.
Play with the kids and try to sit at the kids’ table.
To just say, “it’s complicated” if anybody asks about my family, past, or tattoos.
Try to fuck you at inappropriate times in inappropriate places.