55

I loved you a lot already, but then I met your drooling, snub-tailed cat and your oversized, midnight-snacking dog-cat, and saw how much you loved them yet how little you seemed to know about how or when or where to feed them and noticed cat food overflowing onto the floor from bowls positioned on pretty much every surface in the room – including the coffee table, and your desk, and the bathroom countertop, and the cutting board on the kitchen island – and fell even more in love as I thought to myself, “He’s definitely going to have to marry me now because spouses don’t have to testify against each other and he’s gonna need me to take this shit to my grave,” and, well, there’s just nothing more sexy to a girl than job security.