90

Ok, so I really thought being engaged was going to be like being visibly pregnant. Like maybe there would be a particular kind of glow and people would just know I’d been changed in some big, perceptible way, and maybe strangers wouldn’t be able to keep themselves from stopping me in the street to say, “There’s something different about you! Are you recently engaged?” but that hasn’t happened. At all. Even when I find opportunities to slip, “I just got engaged,” into conversation, people seem not to notice. Like it’s not a big deal. And, honestly, fuck them.

89

Life in Portland is dark and wet. December is depressing as fuck, except that at some point every day, I leave you and Bobbie and Wiggy for a few hours and when we are reunited, we meet on the street and Bobbie is so happy to see me she starts yanking on her leash, pulling you forward, and I run up to her and hug her and kiss her and then I look up and you’re just as excited to see me as she is and that is the best feeling I’ve ever felt in my life.

88

Are we really engaged? Like, we just got back from Costa Rica, and we’re still engaged. It’s not a dream but an actual real thing, in reality, and I can’t stop staring at this ring. It already feels like it’s a part of me. I know it sounds lame af, but I feel sad when I have to take it off, even for just a few minutes to wash dishes or clean something, and I’m kind of embarrassed at how easily I’m fitting into this hetero stereotype rn. Like, shoot me. But don’t. But honestly.

87

Something happened in Costa Rica we haven’t talked about here on Blood Oath Daily. The incident has come to be known as “Poo Juice” or “Poo Joo.” Let’s just say, we were haunted by a smell. More than a smell… a sinister presence. We blamed everyone, but ourselves. There was talk of stripping down and examining each other’s butts. Instead, we left a pair of shoes behind in Costa Rica, and vowed never to speak of it again, except we keep saying, “Poo Joo” and you start laughing so hard you say, “Wait! Stop! I’m going to pee!”

86

OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD. or OMFG, as the kids say, which doesn’t land nearly as well IMHO. We are ENGAGED. I swear to god, though, I almost killed you because when you were all, “I have to talk to you about something …” and then “… we’ve only been together for three months …” I was convinced you were going to say, “I know we’ve only been together for three months, but our time is coming to an end because … I’m dying.” Like WTF!? I thought I was going to be giving you sympathy head for the next 5 days but thank GODDESS that didn’t end up being the case. Now I’m giving you engagement head instead 👀

85

We have been engaged for 48 hours and we’re drinking coffee and writing blood oaths and looking out at the ocean, and any other couple in the world would be planning some zip lining adventure, but we are planning on making a fake reality show video about our engagement. Like seriously… how the fuck did I find you? You’re just as crazy as I am. I didn’t think that was possible.

84

I was really afraid we weren’t going to make it off that flight yesterday. I was convinced that the beefy guy sitting next to you bouncing his leg, inhaling apple juice, and biting his nails was preparing to plant a bomb off in the bathroom. We were sitting RIGHT NEXT TO the bathroom, so it wouldn’t be hard. I decided to be extra nice to him just in case. We lived. You’re welcome.

83

Um yeah no big deal but like……… I asked you to fucking marry me today. I mentioned our Blood Oaths in my proposal and got down on one knee and showed you the dopest engagement ring ever and you said yes and we texted our friends and went out to dinner and ate steak and Mahi Mahi and came home and had hot sex and then, in the most Kevin / Ryan-Ashley move ever, ended the best day of my life by watching a documentary about the JonBenet Ramsey murder because we’re sick in the head and perfect for each other and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you.

82

Yesterday I asked you, “Should I get vacation nails, baby?” and you said, “Yeah, baby, you should do your nails,” but then I remembered when I told you that if you ever had plans to propose, I’d be really mad if you hadn’t at least told me to get my nails done in advance (you know, since they usually look ragged af) and I wondered, are these vacation nails, or vacation nails. So, when I should have been packing, I spent two hours giving myself a long nail manicure with one of those at-home kits. There are so many steps!!! This is why I forgot to bring underwear to Costa Rica.

82

We are leaving for Costa Rica tomorrow. You keep calling it Puerto Domingo and I know you’re fucking with me, but I’m not 100% sure you actually know where we are going, and I think it’s hot as fuck that you trust me that much… to buy us tickets, make reservations at a hotel, buy a bunch of sunblock and say, “Let’s go,” and you’re like, “Hell yessssss. But be warned, my bikini game is strong as fuck.”